xxiv. Lights Dancing In Darkling Eyes
He paced around the alcove for a awhile―adrift in a modest contemplation of the nature of spacetime.
Sparking up a smoke, lights danced in his darkling eyes―and between ember-blossom clouds of thought, he shuffled about the old bear-skin in figure eights.
He had danced upon this bear too many a night to remember them all—for Marietta had told him it warded off evil—and so he had taken to it with earnest.
He sighed―burdened by a festering guilt—over whether he should have erased Eva’s memory at all—or whether he was just a coward for using his power over her.
But he feared her reaction to finding out about Faye—even more than he feared her discovering that he had vampire blood. She had been beginning to question everything on the walk home that night—so he could only imagine how the explanations would have escalated.
At the very least, he wanted to break the news to her in his own terms—not on some random family visit home. He wanted to be able to sit her down and properly explain to her the nature of him.
Someday, he would confess how he would never be able to give her children—as a baby between them might turn vampire during labor—and kill her outright. Few mortals ever survived it.
He hoped, by telling the truth once and for all—he would help to get the hurt out of his heart—and to finally blow the troublesome storms of his spirit out to sea. It was the hardest secret to keep.
After all of this careful thought, he felt much better—and his guilt began to abate—as he embraced the future once more—with a well laid plan for moving forward. He felt less stir-crazy, less mad.
If Eva could not stand the truth, then he would have to find the resolve to move on without her. He would have to wish her the best―and go on with the rest of it alone. It would truly tear him down.
But the truth aired mattered more now than ever before, more than all of it.
After keeping Her inside for so long―he cared little for the consequences—so long as he no longer carried the care.
It occurred to him then that maybe Faye was right. Maybe he had brought Eva home on purpose―in order that she would discover Faye—forcing his hand.
Faye would grow terribly jealous, he knew in his heart, and possibly try to intervene—but he had no choice, he had to show Eva how he truly genuinely felt.
(Author’s Note: If you are enjoying The Silverskin, you can buy the full 400 page Revised & Expanded 10th Anniversary edition paperback here. Forever Yours In French’s Forest, Rian Torr)